Waiting

We sit, we ache, we try to say this time it will be our turn. This time it will be the moment where we get to shine after watching so many others have their moment in the sun. We continue to rise each day and give it our best and when the hope bubbles to the surface once more we fight our own self-doubt. We challenge ourselves to not fall into the mindset of so many past moments of disappointment. We fight to continue holding out for the positive outcome despite moment after countless moment of feeling let down by our own expectations that perhaps, this time around it just may work.

The pain, the deflation, the fatigue of the mind, body and soul as you fight your own reactions to the sadness. Because who do you have to share this with? The aloneness that comes from the space of waiting is so profound that very few around can hold adequate space for you to process. Too many will try to rush you out of the space. They will dismiss or overcorrect. They will give you platitudes that subtly hand you shame: Shame for not feeling less or shame of not doing more. Once again you’re left in the cycle of needing to do more for others so they feel okay. And yet, you are left with your own hurt every moment of the day.

The pain you feel, the breathless shock of disappointment is temporary. But time doesn’t take away from the sensation. It doesn’t quell the pain you feel as your soul gets pushed to the breaking point. Perhaps there is no outcome of the waiting game outside of resiliency. Resiliency, the constant companion whether we want it or not.